Turkey bling

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I’m probably the last person anyone would call a trendsetter or fashionista–mostly because that would take way too much money, time, and energy. I like what I like, but most of the stuff I’m really into either a) makes a political statement b) has food or a cute animal on it or c) is footie pajamas. At my holiday office party on Friday night a coworker found me in the bathroom trying (unsuccessfully) to apply lipstick. She was baffled. (She works for our sister paper in another city so she doesn’t know me well enough to understand that I don’t wear makeup, ever, and had no idea what I was supposed to do with the lipstick.)

Given all this it sort of makes sense that my go-to fashion accessory for Thanksgiving 2014 was a polymer clay turkey ring that looked so freakin’ edible that two separate dogs and three separate cats all tried to eat it off my finger.

I first saw the ring on Facebook. A friend had posted it, I think because she thought it was weird and funny. And I instantly knew two things.

1. I HAD to have this ring.

2. I could find this ring on Etsy.

If you don’t know what Etsy is and have unlimited financial resources to buy quirky, handmade jewelry and tights and just about everything else, really, by all means visit Etsy. And you’re welcome. If you don’t know what Etsy is and are on a tight budget, I apologize for bringing it up. Really. I’ve had to set limits on how often I can visit and I’m not really fashion shopper girl.

Suffice it to say, pretty much all my favorite things come from Etsy. Like my fake tattoo tights, the Breaking Bad saint candle set I bought for my boyfriend, the library cards I used as invitations to my book release party for Scourge of the Righteous Haddock.

I try to avoid impulse purchases–hence my wise decision to avoid Etsy–and I especially try to avoid making impulse purchases right after I just got back from a three week trip to Turkey (or a three week trip to anywhere). But c’mon, who doesn’t need a polymer clay turkey ring? It almost doesn’t even matter what else you’re wearing when you’re sporting turkey bling on your finger.

And when I finally caved and went to Etsy and discovered that the ring only cost $12, I was pretty happy. Because Etsy can get a little expensive. It’s typically not mass produced and it’s typically one of a kind, meaning that you can and should expect to pay a little more than you want to for something. Also, I found out that the Etsy shop producing the rings was based in Salinas, California, which was my hometown.

I also just realized, over the course of writing this blog, that Sucre Sucre Miniatures, the shop that produces and sells the turkey ring on Etsy, is currently sold out of these rings. However, I also just discovered that they sell a buttery syrup waffle ring for $12. There’s a reason my boyfriend calls me “Waffles” and it’s not because I rarely eat them. In fact, I’m eating one right now–a banana and chocolate chip waffle from The Steaming Bean in Shell Beach. It’s on my Top 5 Waffles of the Central Coast list.

Sucre Sucre Miniatures also sells best friend taco necklaces with your initials. There’s a mac and cheese necklace. Bagel earrings. Cheese wedge charms. Even a deviled egg charm.

It makes it a lot easier to sort people into the “like” and “indifferent” categories when you’re wearing a ring with a realistic, albeit miniature, cooked turkey on it. If someone gushes about how awesome/ridiculous/cool your ring is, you’re probably going to like them. And if they’re indifferent to the amazing bling on your finger, well, you’ll probably be indifferent to them. And that’s OK, because now you know. Plus, you’ve got an awesome turkey ring, so who cares that they think you’re crazy?

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