Fat shaming Cat Cat

While we were in San Francisco last weekend, I asked our friend Maeva Considine to check in on our cats. This might not sound like much of a privilege, but Colin and I are very picky about who watches them in our absence because it has to be someone who understands that they are the closest thing we have to children–obese, spoiled little creatures which we adore and worry about almost constantly.

One of the side effects of all this love is that they’re both overweight. My mom bought us an automatic feeder to soften the blow of having to feed them less but we’ve caught them bullying the feeder for more kibbles on multiple occasions and Cat Cat has gone so far as to knock over the feeder. Sometimes we hear its soft whir as it drops a few more food pieces at unscheduled times and we stare at it as though it has betrayed us. I’m also worried it has struck up an alliance with the cats and they or it plan to kill us in our sleep one very unpleasant evening. These fears are somewhat softened by the humor we find in the heavy thud of both cats dropping for the floor and sprinting to the kitchen almost before we can hear the whirring noise indicating that it’s dropping food.

So, Maeva’s responsibilities did not include feeing the cats so much as comforting them because they do not like to be left alone and demand constant human presence. She and Jack seem to have struck up some kind of understanding by which she knows to flop on the beanbag where I usually sit and he climbs on top of her and marches up her body to stare her in the face for several seconds before flopping in an ungainly heap on her while purring and trying to eat her hair. Whenever she babysits him, I can actually smell her perfume on him when I come home. She and Cat Cat seem a little wary of one another which makes sense because Cat Cat tends to respond better to men.

When we got home on Monday night I found the following note scribbled on lined paper and the picture is the rendering Maeva drew onto the back of the note (to which Colin took great offense, especially over the fact that Cat Cat’s cheeks were so fat but for my part I love a hand-written note in this technological age and found the sketch amusing; also I have been known to refer to her as “Fat Fat” so I have to acknowledge that I am somewhat complicit in the cat fat-shaming which is something I would never do to humans):

Dear Captain & Bitches,

As I write this Jack is trying desperately to crawl into my lap–hence the shitty handwriting.

All is well, and, as always, Jack and I kept it to five lines of blow … each.

Love always,

Gopher Girl.

PS-Here is a rendering of Cat Cat tipping her scratching post over … twice.

photo 1

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