Is that all there is?

You don’t make the decision to spend your New Year’s Eve at an event called Meow Mix New Year’s Meow-MixEve Is That All There Is Drag Show at The Stud Bar in San Francisco because you want to start 2014 off on a note of predictability and calm. Of course, going into a situation expecting the unexpected and eager to embrace the humor and absurdity of a situation is no guarantee that you’re prepared for what’s to come. Rather than attempt to create a coherent narrative of the events of New Year’s Eve and Day–an impossible task due to the fact that champagne was free at the Stud Bar and I did something I hardly ever do by indulging in it–I’m opting for more of a bulletpoint/ highlights reel approach.

Of course, you have to compare this to last year’s New Year’s Eve, during which Colin and I fell asleep on the beanbag at an embarrassingly early hour and woke up to discover that the first, thrilling moments of 2013 had already passed us by. We made up for it by participating in the Polar Bear Dip in Cayucos at noon the following day, but I wanted to ensure that we did not repeat our mistake of the previous year. I’m already just a pill box away from being an old woman–embroidery, cats, cardigans, books, teetotalering–and I was not prepared for New Year’s 2014 to be the catnap that tipped me over the edge.

So here are a few of the highlights that I (mostly) recall:

*A techno rendition of the Meow Mix jingle, which was used to call the audience to attention at the start of each phase of the drag show. (There were three acts.)

*Not one, but two, midnight countdowns, neither of which actually took place at midnight. The first was about nine minutes early, and the second was about 20 seconds early, and I still haven’t figured out if this was just a bit of schtick or they really weren’t aware of the time. Considering the fact that I’m pretty sure the announcers were totally baked (before you begin gasping in indignation–if that happens to be your thing–I was not as getting baked has never been my thing), I suspect the latter.

*Free champagne. Lots and lots of free champagne. Colin seemed a little disappointed that I was not hungover the next day. I did, however, wake up with a yearning for coffee that could be described as potentially homicidal.

*A performer smashing a cabbage, banana labeled Philip, and apple labeled Adam with a hammer while lip synching to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.” I have to admit that there was a little bubble of hope when he first produced the cabbage from the bag onstage, and the result more than justified the decision to drive to San Francisco. Also, I want to know what Philip and Adam did to warrant such a metaphorical cleansing and why the cabbage did not have a name.

*Cohort Maeva Considine drunkenly asking one of the performers about the mostly-visible tattoo on his stomach, only to discover that the word I thought was “FREEDOM” was actually “FREAKTARD.”

*Crystal Virgo Why singing the Portal theme song, making Colin happier than I’ve seen him in quite some time. Sure, a little of that may have been the gin and tonic and beer, but I can confidently state it was mostly the song.

*Seeing two men leashed together wandering innocently around the bar.

*Learning that it is possible for someone to angrily throw glitter. And I am capable of being terrified of someone wearing a pound of makeup and not much else.

*Realizing that The Stud Bar has a basket of free condoms for its patrons after Maeva drunkenly gave me a handful she’d just grabbed. I’m always a fan of any institution that promotes safe and responsible sex.

*Remembering just how good pizza tastes when you’ve been drinking. And finding a pizza joint open at 3 a.m. (DNA Pizza in San Francisco is pretty fantastic.)

*Ice skating in Union Square and realizing I’m actually in better shape than the last couple of times I’ve attempted ice skating–and somehow, a little better at it, despite not practicing.

*Watching the Polar Bear Skate at Union Square, during which a handful of people in wetsuits and bikinis bravely ice skated. Admittedly, it wasn’t that cold. It was actually one of the sunnier days I’ve seen in San Francisco, but given how afraid I was of falling while fully clothed, I feel they deserve kudos for their courage.

*Dim sum at Yanksing. That alone would have been worth the drive to San Francisco.

*Getting a brief visit with friends from high school while passing through Prunedale. Given that Jenny lives in Norway and Wes lives in Texas, it’s sadly an infrequent opportunity, but it was a much appreciated visit, right up until the moment Jenny bid me farewell with the words “See you next year” and I realized she wasn’t doing the funny, “haha, see you next year because next year is in two days” bit but was actually saying, “see you in a year, because I’ll be in Norway, on the other side of the world in the interim.”

“See you next year,” it turns out, is a disheartening statement on Jan. 1.




  1. Bill mulder says:

    Curious: Was this anyone’s first time steeped in an sf new year? That’s pretty core.


  1. […] That time she and her girlfriend Aileen spent New Year’s Eve at a drag show called Meow Mix in San Francisco with Colin and […]

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