Not all parties are created equal

For the last couple of months I have been planning two parties. One to celebrate the release of my first book, Scourge of the Righteous Haddock. And the second to fête former New Times Calendar Editor Maeva Considine as she journeys to the great beyond (employment outside the basement, and with a tribe that can never match the collective cool of the lost kids of the local altweekly).

Secrecy was essential. Maeva being a clever writer monkey, and her girlfriend being prone to bean spilling (I have this secondhand and have never witnessed any bean spilling by one Aileen Manley), I created a private, top-secret, uber confidential Facebook event titled “True American with a True Irishman.”

Our carefully thought out plans were as follows: 1. Play True American, a drinking  game invented on The New Girl, which has been described as equal parts CandyLand and drinking game. The part of me that will forever be an awkward tomboy–all of me, really–was ridiculously excited to toss all the furniture I could find on our lawn (the ground is lava in this game) and spend the evening blithely quoting Bill Murray movies and arguing with fellow nerds over Shakespeare passages. Sadly, our party was a little too large at a dozen or so revelers. I think the game would be much better suited to a more intimate group–four to six people, at most.

2. Create a giant fake cake using cardboard Maeva’s girlfriend Aileen gave me, and an estimated 17 containers of frosting. Now if you’re planning to make a giant cardboard cake, I have some sage advice for you. Buy chocolate frosting. Because you need at least three layers of white cream cheese frosting to completely mask the cardboard. With darker chocolate frosting you really only need just one. Trust me. I’m saving you time and heartache here.

Then, after I’ve called Maeva pretending that my cat Jack is lost (bad cat karma, I know) and I need her to come over to help me find Jack, have Aileen pop out of the cake while wearing a unicorn mask. Why? Don’t ask questions. Just go with it.

Oh, and then sing Happy Birthday to Maeva. Even though her birthday was several months ago.

Maybe reading about it is a little confusing. Maybe it’s better to just watch what happens.



  1. […] That time we stuffed her girlfriend into a fake cake for her going away […]

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